My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
