i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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