They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He felt like a one man threesome
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
did you just send me my own nude
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
