She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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