You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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