I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
