woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
