Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
