Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
