I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize