I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
