My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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