I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
