Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
