I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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