none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
