Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
