I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
