I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
