You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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