I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize