listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
