p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
