At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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