flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize