I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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