don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
