i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize