When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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