scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
