found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
