I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
