Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
