I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
