3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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