I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
