Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
