You can't motorboat a personality
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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