woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
