i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
