she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
