I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
