Your face is a jimmy john
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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