I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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