quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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