I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
