My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
