Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
