all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
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