Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Fuck appropriateness.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
