so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
