So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
