dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
