My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I got inside last night via doggy door
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
