everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
