They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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