My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It's never too late to be topless.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
