I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
