By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
where am i from again
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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