I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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