There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
