Where are you?
In a non slutty way
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
