my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
How drunk are you?
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