dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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