You can't special order awesome
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
