I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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