there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
