i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
