you guys were way drunker than both of me
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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