I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
