Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
