Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize