booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize