How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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