thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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