omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
