Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
