the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
