So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
