He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
either way he was missing a nipple.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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