dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
