sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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