Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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