is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize