I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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