Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I want to be your penis for a week.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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