We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
3pm strippers are depressing
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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