note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
