ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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