I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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