just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
