sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Dick very happy bro
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
