I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
