I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize