omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
