I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
