Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
