we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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