Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize