I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
