I need help removing her.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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