she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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